Er zitten drie Marokkanen in een auto. Wie rijdt er????
De police
Re: Het moppen topic
752klopt, ze zitten dan wel achterin....RoyVdW wrote:Er zitten drie Marokkanen in een auto. Wie rijdt er????
De police
Re: Het moppen topic
753Co de Roodt (83) is internetsensatie
De hevige sneeuwval leverde vandaag ook hilariteit op. Er verscheen een foto op sociale media van de 83-jarige Co de Roodt uit Rotterdam. Het levende ‘weeralarm’ moest er zelf ook om lachen.
Bron: AD, 11-12-2017 https://www.ad.nl/binnenland/co-de-rood ... ~ad7a0dd0/
De hevige sneeuwval leverde vandaag ook hilariteit op. Er verscheen een foto op sociale media van de 83-jarige Co de Roodt uit Rotterdam. Het levende ‘weeralarm’ moest er zelf ook om lachen.
Bron: AD, 11-12-2017 https://www.ad.nl/binnenland/co-de-rood ... ~ad7a0dd0/
Re: Het moppen topic
754jullie Hollanders ook met hun rare namen... de beste vind ik Rem Koolhaas....Sora_Lizard wrote:Co de Roodt (83) is internetsensatie
De hevige sneeuwval leverde vandaag ook hilariteit op. Er verscheen een foto op sociale media van de 83-jarige Co de Roodt uit Rotterdam. Het levende ‘weeralarm’ moest er zelf ook om lachen.
Bron: AD, 11-12-2017 https://www.ad.nl/binnenland/co-de-rood ... ~ad7a0dd0/
Re: Het moppen topic
755De Roomba stofzuiger...
So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It's taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror. It started off simple enough - something that's probably happened to most of you.
Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she's done this, so it's probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective's mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?
Why, friends, that's because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.
If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I'm about to tell you.
Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.
It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding - like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.
Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you'll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you'll walk into the living room. And you'll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you'll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything's okay. Like it's proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.
And then the horror. Oh the horror.
So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don't bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what's coming. It's inevitable, and it's coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you're not one of those people - you can't go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.
So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn't just on your hands - it's smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that "whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss" noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet.
Oh, and you're not just using profanity - you're inventing new types of profanity. You're saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there's no way he's not ending up in prison.
Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug - the rug that started it all - the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first.
Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.
And then, because it's 6am, you go to bed. Let's finish this tomorrow, right?
The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn't work. Because you heard the "whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss" noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.
But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn £350 Roomba without spending £350 again - including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries - you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it's for life, and it's for any reason.
So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.
And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub - by no fault of their own, of course.
So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you're buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember - don't let your Roomba run over dog poop...
Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she's done this, so it's probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective's mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?
Why, friends, that's because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.
If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I'm about to tell you.
Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.
It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding - like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.
Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you'll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you'll walk into the living room. And you'll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you'll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything's okay. Like it's proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.
And then the horror. Oh the horror.
So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don't bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what's coming. It's inevitable, and it's coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you're not one of those people - you can't go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.
So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn't just on your hands - it's smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that "whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss" noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet.
Oh, and you're not just using profanity - you're inventing new types of profanity. You're saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there's no way he's not ending up in prison.
Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug - the rug that started it all - the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first.
Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.
And then, because it's 6am, you go to bed. Let's finish this tomorrow, right?
The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn't work. Because you heard the "whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss" noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.
But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn £350 Roomba without spending £350 again - including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries - you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it's for life, and it's for any reason.
So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.
And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub - by no fault of their own, of course.
So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you're buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember - don't let your Roomba run over dog poop...
Re: Het moppen topic
758Man in de Hema loopt naar een mooie vrouw en vraagt:
"Pardon, ik ben mijn vrouw kwijtgeraakt, kunt u me helpen?"
Vrouw: "Tuurlijk, wat kan ik voor je doen?"
Man: "Blijf hier maar gewoon effe met me praten, aub."
Zij: "Maar hoe gaat dat helpen dan?"
Man: "Dat weet ik ook niet precies, maar elke keer als ik met ‘n vrouw praat met borsten als die van u duikt ze vanuit het niets op!"
"Pardon, ik ben mijn vrouw kwijtgeraakt, kunt u me helpen?"
Vrouw: "Tuurlijk, wat kan ik voor je doen?"
Man: "Blijf hier maar gewoon effe met me praten, aub."
Zij: "Maar hoe gaat dat helpen dan?"
Man: "Dat weet ik ook niet precies, maar elke keer als ik met ‘n vrouw praat met borsten als die van u duikt ze vanuit het niets op!"
Re: Het moppen topic
760Sora_Lizard wrote:Man in de Hema loopt naar een mooie vrouw en vraagt:
"Pardon, ik ben mijn vrouw kwijtgeraakt, kunt u me helpen?"
Vrouw: "Tuurlijk, wat kan ik voor je doen?"
Man: "Blijf hier maar gewoon effe met me praten, aub."
Zij: "Maar hoe gaat dat helpen dan?"
Man: "Dat weet ik ook niet precies, maar elke keer als ik met ‘n vrouw praat met borsten als die van u duikt ze vanuit het niets op!"
Re: Het moppen topic
761Een vrouw belt naar de krant en zegt:
“Ik wil graag een contactadvertentie in uw krant plaatsen.”
“Dat kan, mevrouw. Zegt u maar hoe deze moet luiden”,antwoordt de man van de krant.
Zij dicteert, “Aantrekkelijke dame, middelbare leeftijd, zoekt contact met knappe, sportieve, lieve, attente man.”
Wanneer ze klaar is met het doorgeven van het profiel, vraagt de advertentieman,:
“Moet hij er vóór het weekend nog in?
Met enige aarzeling in haar stem antwoordt zij:
“Jaaa......, liefst wel, maar dát hoeft niet in de advertentie te staan...!”
“Ik wil graag een contactadvertentie in uw krant plaatsen.”
“Dat kan, mevrouw. Zegt u maar hoe deze moet luiden”,antwoordt de man van de krant.
Zij dicteert, “Aantrekkelijke dame, middelbare leeftijd, zoekt contact met knappe, sportieve, lieve, attente man.”
Wanneer ze klaar is met het doorgeven van het profiel, vraagt de advertentieman,:
“Moet hij er vóór het weekend nog in?
Met enige aarzeling in haar stem antwoordt zij:
“Jaaa......, liefst wel, maar dát hoeft niet in de advertentie te staan...!”
Re: Het moppen topic
762De humor ligt niet alleen op straat maar vinden we ook in de social media.
Dr Oetker heeft blijkbaar ook een pizza met chocolade bedacht, de chocopizza. Hoe verzin je zoiets in Goverts naam?
Ene Swaglordpredu reageerde op twitter: ,,Jullie chocopizza smaakt naar een hoerenzoon.''
Waarop het marketingteam van Dr.Oetker antwoordde: ,,Zeker te inhalig geweest en in je vinger gebeten.''
Dit las ik vandaag in het AD, zie https://www.ad.nl/buitenland/dr-oetker- ... ~a8f8e4c9/
Dr Oetker heeft blijkbaar ook een pizza met chocolade bedacht, de chocopizza. Hoe verzin je zoiets in Goverts naam?
Ene Swaglordpredu reageerde op twitter: ,,Jullie chocopizza smaakt naar een hoerenzoon.''
Waarop het marketingteam van Dr.Oetker antwoordde: ,,Zeker te inhalig geweest en in je vinger gebeten.''
Dit las ik vandaag in het AD, zie https://www.ad.nl/buitenland/dr-oetker- ... ~a8f8e4c9/
Re: Het moppen topic
763Wauw! Ik vind dat altijd superknap dat bedrijven op een gevatte manier gelijk kunnen reageren. Deze zit misschien een beetje op het randje, maar is absoluut een koekje (of pizza) van eigen deeg!
Re: Het moppen topic
764zolang ie maar niet begint over een Chocoprinspaveman wrote:Wauw! Ik vind dat altijd superknap dat bedrijven op een gevatte manier gelijk kunnen reageren. Deze zit misschien een beetje op het randje, maar is absoluut een koekje (of pizza) van eigen deeg!
Re: Het moppen topic
765Kolm attendeerde mij op deze:
My mother just told my brother to change his sheets before his girlfriend comes for a visit because “we don’t want her to get pregnant just by sitting down”.
I nearly pissed myself.
My mother just told my brother to change his sheets before his girlfriend comes for a visit because “we don’t want her to get pregnant just by sitting down”.
I nearly pissed myself.
